


Stuck in the Middle (With You)

by AssyPiff



Category: Peter Kay's Car Share (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-10-26 20:14:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17752745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AssyPiff/pseuds/AssyPiff
Summary: Set at the end of S2 E4





	1. Chapter 1

Walking away from John was undoubtedly the hardest thing Kayleigh had ever done. Harder than moving out of her family home, harder than confronting her shithouse of an ex, harder even than saying goodbye to Kelly when she went to Australia. But it had to be done. She couldn't go on pretending that John felt anything for her, he'd said it, according to him they were friends, car share buddies who shared nothing more than his car. 

Seeing the taxi ahead of her was a godsend, for beyond feeling compelled to get out of the little red Fiat, Kayleigh had no other plan. No plan but to get away from John, away from the humiliation and heart break. It turned out only to be half a godsend, the taxi driver was off just coming off shift so wouldn't be able to take her all the way to Bury. Instead he offered to take her into town so she could get a bus from the shopping centre, taking pity on her obvious distress.

Behind her, John was devastated, he called out to her to come back, to get back in the car but she wouldn't listen, failing to hear his dedication. If only she'd heard it, she'd know. But she had walked away, walked out of his life for good. The only thing John could do was to follow the taxi, he'd called his mum to go round to fetch Nana Rose from his house, telling her he'd been called back into work for some urgent thing. He'd say a few Hail Mary's for the lie he told next time he went to Confession, but he had to catch up to Kayleigh to try to explain something he had barely understood himself. 

Surprised that the taxi had not taken the road to Bury, John tried to guess where Kayleigh might go. He had expected her to go straight to Mandy's, but it looked from several cars behind that Kayleigh was going to the shopping centre. "Why are you going there Kayleigh?" John asked her out loud, wishing she was sitting beside him and not crying her eyes out in the back of a taxi. 

Truth be told, John had rarely been this upset ever. Only losing his dad had come anywhere close, certainly not Anna or even Charlotte, had made him cry, but watching her leave him like she had felt like nothing else in the world mattered. Nothing mattered but getting her back. Why hadn't he said "I love this, I love you!" when they were singing along to Billy Ocean hand in hand? Instead he'd blathered on about the poxy Christmas Team, got flustered into saying exactly the wrong thing. So now he was following in her wake like he always would. 

Seeing the taxi turn into the car park of the shopping centre, by now only a few metres ahead of him, he managed by pure fluke to find a parking space as he drove slowly towards the drop off point. He didn't want Kayleigh to see him yet, didn't want her to get back into the taxi and take flight once again.  
John's heart lurched when he saw Kayleigh get out and pay the driver. He didn't think that heart-lurching was a real thing, but evidently it was as it had just happened to him. She had stopped crying but he could clearly see how upset she still was, how upset he had made her. 

"I don't deserve you, Kayleigh." John mutters, turning off the car and undoing his seat belt. He fully expected her to want no more to do with him, but he had to tell her, she had to know before she cut him out of her life for good.

The bus terminal was located at the other side of the shopping centre, so after assuring the taxi driver that she was alright, Kayleigh made her way into the centre via one of the many entrances, determined not to be distracted by window shopping, she needed to get home to the safety of her box bedroom.

Behind her John followed at a safe distance, not wanting to spook her or be arrested as some sort of crazy stalker. At this time of night the footfall at the shopping centre had started to decrease, there were only a couple more hours it would be open, most people having collected their kids from school or headed home for their tea. It was more difficult following someone unseen than it was made to look in the movies. John found himself ducking into shops or hiding behind signs when he thought Kayleigh might look his way. John felt more like Mr Bean than Jason Bourne. An emotional scene in the middle of the concourse was not on the agenda, although truthfully, John had no plan, he'd not been in this place for some years so all the shops were new to him.

Kayleigh decided to stop off for a cuppa before she found her bus. She couldn't face Mandy in this state, didn't want her to witness her broken heart yet again. She really had thought that John was different, but thinking about it all more calmly she wouldn't want him if she felt she had railroaded him into it. She would ride out her upset and then carry on as normal, like she always did. She would only have to see him at work, if she declined his offer to be on his Christmas Team she would hardly see him as this was likely to take up most of his time. Eventually she would be able to see him without her stomach doing back flips and her face smiling without her permission. Her heart would stop longing for him. One day.

Sitting a way back from where Kayleigh was sitting in a coffee shop, John watched her closely. She seemed to be thinking deeply, after ten minutes or so she looked to have made a decision, nodded to herself, got up and walked off towards the lifts to take her to the bus terminus level.

Lost in his own thoughts about how beautiful Kayleigh looked, despite her unbearably sad face, John nearly missed her leaving. What he didn't miss was the elderly lady, who he hadn't seen push her shopping basket next to him as he got up from the bench where he was spying on Kayleigh. John ran headlong into the lady, knocking over her basket and scattering tins of peaches and rice pudding across the floor. Of course the tins rolled about, getting under his feet and landing him on his backside. He had managed to steady the old lady before he went down though, much to his relief.

"I'm so sorry love. I didn't see you there. Are you alright?" John's hugely embarrassed but trying to extricate himself from the situation before he loses Kayleigh. 

"Yes I'm OK, no harm done. Could you pick up my shopping though?" 

" Yes of course, " John comically chased about after the rolling tins on his hands and knees, helped by the odd passerby who brandished the tins as if they were some kind of trophy.

Seeing Kayleigh disappear round the corner to where the lifts were located, John hands the shopping he had managed to retrieve back to the lady. 

"I'm sorry again, love. I can only apologise, but I've got to go," he looked frantically round for Kayleigh, "I've got to catch up with my friend."

" Good luck, chuck, I hope you find her. " The old lady chuckles, it could only be a woman who'd got this young man all of a dither.

"Thanks!" John called behind him as he hurried off to the lifts, desperate to catch up with Kayleigh.

Fortunately for John, Kayleigh had missed the only working lift and had to wait several minutes for the next one. Even so, as a breathless John rounded the corner, Kayleigh was disappearing through the metal doors. The only thing he could do was stick his arm onto the lift to stop the door from closing.

The first Kayleigh knew was the sound of someone remarkably like John shouting for her to hold the lift. Shaking her head in disbelief, it was indeed John, panting and sweating, trying to force his way into her lift.

He couldn't say anything if he tried. He knew he was unfit but he did a little bargain with himself that if he didn't collapse with a coronary he would seriously attempt to loose some weight and get fit.

"Please Kayleigh, I need to talk to you." 

Usually John's pleading face would get her every time, but this time she was determined to stand firm.

"I think you've said enough don't you? You made it perfectly clear how you feel. No need to rub salt into the wounds." She's standing with her arms folded, with a determined look on her face.

John, much to his chagrin, was still trying to catch his breath when there was a nasty grinding noise and the lift shuddered to a halt. 

"Oh God! What's that noise?" Kayleigh tried her hardest not to panic but she doesn't know whether she's panicking more about the lift being stuck or being so close to John. Either way she can feel herself start to hyperventilate and go wobbly.

" I need to sit down, I can't breathe. " 

The only thing John could do is to take off his jacket, lay it down on the floor, and take her arm to help her sit down. 

Remembering that time Kayleigh had a panic attack in the car wash, John grasped hold of her hand and started chanting, "Think happy thoughts, Think happy thoughts... "

Kayleigh have him her patented Kitson death-glare, "You have got to be joking?!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love in an elevator?

"Yeah sorry..." Not for the first time that day, John was at a loss. " we're going to be OK though, it's an urban myth that lifts plunge to the ground... "

Kayleigh looked at him astonished that he would even think to say that, but it did break her panic. 

John could see that there was a slight thaw in Kayleigh's demeanour, she hadn't let go of his hand, which John took as a good sign.

"I never used to be claustrophobic, but the older I get..."

John started to chuckle.

"It's not funny John!" Kayleigh said trying to snatch back her hand, but he wouldn't let it go.

"No, I know. I'll tell you about claustrophobic! Did I ever tell you about the time I got stuck in a lift at Head Office with Elsie and Big Diane?"

Despite herself, Kayleigh 's eyes widened in horror. "You never did! How come I never heard about that?"

"It were before you started at the store. Ten years ago maybe? Anyway part of a new training initiative we all had to go up to Head Office in small groups for a day. We were just coming back from lunch..." John swiped his free hand over his eyes, recalling in vivid detail what happened.

Kayleigh could just imagine the scene and started to giggle at the expression on John's face. " How long were you in there John? " 

"Three pissing hours! Apparently we had overloaded the lift! Cheeky bastards! If any lift was going to plunge to the bottom it was that one! I swear by all that's Holy I was about to start clawing my way out by hand when the Fire Bobbies turned up. "

"Oh John! That's awful! What did you all do for three hours?"

John looked haunted by his experience, even ten years on. "We played Charades, Who Am I?, Rock Paper Scissors. They say you never really know someone until you live with them... But you never really know someone until... " he looked at her significantly.

"Until you're trapped in a lift with them." Kayleigh had stopped laughing, thinking that she had thought she knew John, but had been proved sadly wrong about that.

"Aye, that's true." John had never broken his gaze, even seeing the look of sadness pass across her face again.

"Perhaps we had better see about getting out of here." This time Kayleigh had managed to grab her hand back from John's. It was almost unbearable sitting here like this with him, almost back to sharing stories like they always had.

" Right, yes. " John got up and went to the control panel. He pressed the Assistance button, and much to his surprise was connected straight away to Richard in the Security Office.

"Hello? Can I help you?" Richard's tinny voice could be heard quite clearly.

" Yes you can pal. We're stuck in a lift and we'd very much like to get out this side of Christmas. "

"I'm sorry to hear that. Those lifts were supposed to be closed for Inspection. I'll check with the Maintenance Supervisors to see what's happened. Don't worry, we'll get you out. Oh can I ask how many are there with you?"

" Just me and me friend. "

"I'll get back to you as soon as...just in case can you give me your mobile number?"

John gave the man his number, whilst managing to keep his temper. This was exactly the sort of situation that would send his blood pressure and his temper through the roof. This time he had made another pact with himself to hold it all together, especially as God seemed to be on his side for once, and given a second chance to say the right thing. After all Kayleigh was a captive audience.

"That's that then. All we have to do is wait." John was not blind to the way that Kayleigh had edged herself into the far corner of the, albeit small, box, as far away from him as possible. She had gone back to her arms crossed stance and was looking decidedly uncomfortable once more. He couldn't blame her, after the way he'd behaved, he didn't want to have anything to do with himself either.

"Listen, now I've got you here..."

Kayleigh winced, remembering those exact words at the seaside when she thought he was asking her out finally, only to be disappointed yet again. To have been interrupted by a monkey of all things, should have been the big, fat sign that things were not going to work out with John.

"What exactly are you doing here John? I think I said I was getting out of your life for good! Wait! You must have followed me! " She looked at him in disbelief.

"I did follow you! How else was I going to talk to you? To explain? I can bet that your Mandy wouldn't have let me in!"

Kayleigh seemed to deflate suddenly. "And can you blame her?"

" No I couldn't. But look, this isn't getting us anywhere. "

"That's the point John. We never were going anywhere were we? Made it all up in my head, didn't I? Same as always. It's alright John, I'll get over it. I get it."

John looked lovingly over to her, his voice full of emotion. "That's just it Kayleigh. You don't get it!"

" You calling me thick again?" Kayleigh has really started to take umbridge now. "To have misread your signals was one thing but to then have you stand there and call me stupid into the bargain...really John I thought better of you than this." It was all too much for her, all the upset and tears resurfaced.

John began to inch his way towards her, "You weren't wrong. You didn't misread anything. You were quicker on the uptake than I was. You were way smarter than me. I was so busy swearing off women, that when the loveliest woman I've ever met got into my car it was all I could do to get us there and back in one piece."

John looked to see what the effect his words were having on her. She merely looked back at him, the tears still streaming down her face, she appeared forlorn and defeated.

"I know I'm useless Kayleigh. I'm truly sorry for what I said. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be happy. I never really believed I could be happy, so taught myself not to expect it, not to try for it. It's true what I said, you do make me happy. Very happy. Trouble is, I never really believed I deserved to be happy, or that I deserved you."

It was John's turn to get emotional. But it was his only chance, so he pressed on.   
"I don't expect you to forgive me. Why should you? I will never forgive myself for messing up the only chance at happiness I'm ever likely to get. But more than that, I will never forgive myself for upsetting you like this. I've always been the same. Never been able to say the right thing to the right person at the right time."

It was John's turn to retreat, defeated and dejected. He could feel the tears well up in his eyes. This was all he needed, to show himself up as a right soft git.

Kayleigh noticed how upset John was himself for the first time. "And what is the right thing, John?" She whispered.

He gazed back at her, uncertain suddenly. The adrenaline rush that had been created by Billy Ocean, increased when she had told him she loved him, and then spiked as he chased after her, left him as suddenly as it had arrived. John felt hopeless that he could make this situation right. Turning away from her slightly, he leaned back against one of the metal walls and slid down it, bringing his knees up to his chest, burying his head in his hands.

"I'm sorry Kayleigh. You're right, you're best off without me. "

Kayleigh reached into her handbag and pulled out a packet of tissues. She bent down, gently touching John on the shoulder. 

" Here, take one of these. Whatever will they think when they come and rescue us and we're both crying our eyes out? "

John looked up at her, his eyes were red rimmed and his green eyes as watery as the sea. He took the proffered tissue but was unable to look at her directly. Kayleigh slid down the wall in the same manner as he had, mirroring his posture, sitting with him silently, shoulder to shoulder.

After a while they had both stopped sniffing and dabbing their eyes. Kayleigh took hold of John's hand, simply holding it in hers. As much as she was upset, she was never not compassionate. John had never ceased to be amazed by Kayleigh in one way or another. He felt the compassion for him flowing out of her, even though he had hurt her badly.

"You're one in a million. Do you know that? I mean it Kayleigh , you are."

His final ounce of courage screwed up, John reached over and placed a sweet kiss on her lips. His arm thrown over her shoulder, he gently eased her towards him, his touch a mere whisper on her neck. 

To say that Kayleigh was shocked would have been like saying that Elsie didn't like quiche. The last thing she had expected was for John to kiss her. She barely had time to process what John had said, and now they were kissing each other with increasing passion on the floor of a dirty lift. 

"Hello? Excuse us! "


	3. Chapter 3

Steve and Andy, the Maintenance Team supervisors had been alerted to John and Kayleigh's predicament by Richard from Security. They had rushed from their office, where they were having their afternoon brew. Their apprentice, Todd, had been tasked with putting the remaining signs out to close off the last of the three lifts while the six-monthly lift inspection was being carried out. Todd had become distracted by seeing and then stopping to chat to one of his old class mates from school, he had therefore got to the lifts after John and Kayleigh had entered. He shrugged and put the signs out anyway but didn't inform the lift engineer that there was anyone on board. The lift engineer had gone ahead and shut off the power while he carried out the first part of his standard checks.

Andy and Steve had been supervisors for a total of twenty five years, there wasn't much they hadn't seen, including customers and staff in all sorts of compromising situations in the lifts and other out of the way areas of the shopping centre. It was with some humour therefore that they peered through the bottom of the door to find a couple snogging.

"Hello! Excuse us!" Steve called out.

The couple sprang apart as if shocked to find themselves making out on the floor of the lift. It wasn't as if they weren't old enough to know better.  
From the looks of it they weren't a proper couple judging by the shyness with which they regarded each other.

"Are you OK? We're really sorry about this. We're in the middle of our Lift Inspection, the power will be off for another hour or so. Can we get you anything? "

"And what exactly do you propose you get for us?" John was a little sharper that he had intended. He was both frustrated at being interrupted and annoyed at the stupid question.

"Thought you might like a can of something cold, looks like things are hotting up in there! " Steve observed, smiling down at them through his grey beard.

" Or a cup if you get caught short, like. " Andy offered helpfully.

"Aye, a couple of cans of Coke or something would be good. But you'd better be no longer than an hour. There is no way I am going to piss into a cup!" Memories of his other lift incident come back to him vividly and he shudders.

" Right-o. Hold on a minute, we'll chuck you a couple of cans down, then we'll leave you to it if there's nothing else we can get for you. You'll be safe in there, no worries."

A few minutes later, Andy and Steve were back with their drinks. "Look out below!" Steve called out . 

"Thanks buddy. Listen sorry I was a bit short before..." John apologised .

"No bother. It's our fault you're stuck. We shouldn't have trusted our apprentice with a simple job! We'll be back to turn the power back on in a bit." With that the supervisors retreated to read the riot act to the hapless Todd.

In the lift, the atmosphere was decidedly awkward. John and Kayleigh had sprung apart guiltily as soon as they had been discovered by the two men. After that they didn't really know where to look. Both were frustrated at being interrupted, but recognised that there was more to be said and as wonderful as the kissing had been, it only achieved an embarrassment neither had felt in each other's company before.

John cleared his throat, in preparation to say he knew not what. "So.....?" John has no idea how to finish that sentence. 

"That was nice." Kayleigh still hasn't been able to catch up with what John had been telling her. "Nice" to describe the kiss was an understatement to say the least. It was, in fact, everything. And more. But it was distracting.

"Drink?" John held out a can to her. The supervisors were correct, it was getting very warm in the lift. John was unable to tell whether it was due to their passionate kiss , his running after her like a lunatic, or the weather. Whatever the reason, John could feel the perspiration start to trickle down his back. He held the cold can to his forehead before opening it and taking a long swallow.

"That's good!" He said. He sat back down on his jacket, thinking that he would need to get it dry cleaned, loosened his tie and undid the top button of his shirt. He was thanking his lucky stars he had decided to wear a short -sleeved shirt today. He sat with his back against the wall and his legs spread out in front of him. He felt liberated. Finally free to express what he felt. 

Kayleigh felt equally warm. She took off her jacket, delicately folding it before placing it on the floor with a grimace of disgust, and sitting herself down on it at a right-angle to John. She needed time to let all this sink in and being too close to him was not helping.

"Are you OK now?" John looked across at Kayleigh , concerned that she hadn't said much. The expression, " talking the hind leg off a donkey ", could have been written for her, but as John stopped to think about it, it made absolutely no sense. Why a donkey? And why only the hind legs?helping

"I'm a bit stunned to be honest John. I need some time to figure all this out."

" Oh right. " John couldn't hide his disappointment. He supposed he thought she would fall into his arms after that mind-blowing kiss and everything would be alright. But this was real life. His real life, and since when was anything in his life ever that simple?

"You didn't think that one kiss would make everything alright did you?"

John simply nodded. 

"You hurt me John. I have to decide whether I can forgive you for that."

"I understand, Kayleigh. I'll go along with whatever you decide." John's air of defeat had returned. Now convinced that she was never going to give him a chance.

Sitting in silence was doing both their heads in. Their combined thoughts seemed to be bouncing off the walls of the lift, ricocheting like the bullets fired in a canyon in a Spaghetti Western. He has no clue why he did this, but not being able to stand the silence any longer, John reached for his phone, selecting his music he finds the song he wants, pressing play he holds his hand out to Kayleigh.

"Dance with me? Please?"

Kayleigh looked up at him surprised, but reached for his hand anyway, hardly knowing why she did it, allowing him to pull her up. Taking her in his arms for what was likely to be the last time, the song he had chosen started to play as he rocked her from side to side.

What I gotta do to make you love me?  
What I gotta do to make you care?  
What do I do when lightnin' strikes me?  
And a way to find when you're not there

What I gotta do to make want me?  
What I gotta do to be heard?  
What do I say when it's all over?  
Sorry seems to be the hardest word  
(That's right)

It's sad  
So sad  
It's a sad sad situation  
And its gettin' more and more absurd  
It's sad so sad  
Why can't we talk it over  
Always seems to me  
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

What do I do to make you want me?  
What I gotta do to be heard?  
What do I say when its all over?  
Sorry seems to be the hardest word ...*

"I am sorry Kayleigh, honestly. " 

Kayleigh reached up to kiss him softly on the cheek. "I can see that. " She whispered.

John bent his head to kiss her again, pouring everything he had into that kiss. Praying that she would understand and forgive him.

Kayleigh hadn't made up her mind but she wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to enjoy being this close to John, even if it was ultimately going to go nowhere further than this moment in the lift. Kayleigh found herself fighting with herself even while she was kissing John back. Could she be with John if he could never tell her he loved her? 

Despite the increase in the ambient heat, John increased his grip round Kayleigh's waist, bringing her flush to him, while she had him held round the neck, stroking the short hairs at the back of his collar. There had always been a spark between them, that indefinable thing that drew them to together, but other than that time they almost kissed after the fancy dress party, their touching had be an confined to the odd kiss on the cheek or helping hand. This was farther than they had been before, neither sure that this was a good idea for entirely different reasons. John didn't want to start something they couldn't finish, Kayleigh didn't want to know what she would be missing.

Eventually they drew apart, conscious suddenly of where they were and that they were likely to be interrupted anytime soon. Neither of them wanted the embarrassment of being discovered making out like a pair of horny teenagers yet again. There was no doubt that it felt good, so good that even John couldn't deny it to himself, but yet again Kayleigh recognised that nothing had really be resolved, nothing was certain and certainty was what she needed.

Releasing John from the grip she had behind his head, Kayleigh took a step back smoothing her hands down the front of his shirt and straightening his tie. John had loosened his grip on her waist but hadn't let her go. Kayleigh covered John's hands with her own and removed them from her waist. She needed to hear from him that this wasn't all just to placate her, to keep her on the back burner while not really committing to anything. She had been burned too many times like that before, she had vowed never to make that mistake again.

Waiting for John to say anything else was probably going to take time they didn't have, so Kayleigh decided to lay it all on the line for him. She freed herself from his grasp in order to say what she wanted to say without getting out off.

"I don't know what it is about me that makes men think they can walk all over me. Take what they want and give me the bare minimum." Kayleigh paused but held up her hand when John looked as if he was going to interrupt . "I need you to understand John. Despite how happy you think I always am, I hide it pretty well most of the time. I hide what I really feel. But I'm sick of it. Is it too much to want to tell someone that I love them and for them to tell me that they love me back? No games, no agenda. No hiding. I'm too old for this carry on. I've told you. Nothing's changed." She looked over to him with her eyebrows raised and her arms folded again.

"Kayleigh...I... " John couldn't finish that sentence, he was unable to say the words Kayleigh needed to hear, even though he had never enjoyed kissing someone more and he knew he loved her.

"Hello! Hello!" Andy and Steve made their presence more obvious this time.

" Hello? Please tell me you're getting us out soon?! " To Kayleigh, John sounds desperate to be away from her. 

"Yes, the engineer has completed all the first lot of checks. Sorry it's taken so long, but he has to be thorough, Health and Safety, you know." Andy explained.

"Oh I know, pain in the arse most of the time!" John cleared his throat, hoping that they hadn't been lurking listening in on their conversation, even though he was glad of their interruption this time.

" Right yes, well we're going to restore the power now, get you and your Mrs out of here. " Steve can be heard chuckling to Andy.

"She's not my Mrs!" John mutters loud enough for them all the hear.

Kayleigh looked at him aghast. She picked up her jacket and handbag from the floor and stood with her back to John directly in front of the doors ready to run out as fast as she could.

John hadn't meant to say that out loud of course but he felt his heart sink as he saw Kayleigh's reaction. He'd been stupid to think that he could ever have Kayleigh. He'd had his brief moment of heaven and he'd ruined it. Again. His shoulders slumped and he bent down to pick up his jacket.

When the doors did finally open, Kayleigh was out of there like a gazelle running from a lion on the Serengeti. John followed her but didn't call out, didn't try to stop her. The last he saw of her was her boarding a bus to Bury. Her anguished face looking back at him from behind glass, her tears clearly visible as she sadly turned her head away.

 

 

*Songwriters: BERNIE TAUPIN,ELTON JOHN  
© Universal Music Publishing Group


	4. Chapter 4

John was left watching Kayleigh ride away from him for the second time that day as the bus to Bury pulled away from the bus stop. Frankly he was bereft and could do nothing but stand there watching her. Andy and Steve, the Maintenance Supervisors, watched John watch his lady-friend ride away on the bus. It was a toss up which one of the two of them was more upset. Glancing at each other, Andy and Steve decide that this fellow needs a brew and a sit down.

"We need you come come with us for a few minutes, " Steve says to John, "Got a couple of forms to fill out, what with you and your friend getting stuck in the lift and all. "

John allowed himself to be led off to the Supervisors' office, which was up a flight of hidden stairs and out onto the Service Road. Andy out the kettle on and pulled out a chair for John to sit on. He looked like he needed a sit down to be honest. Steve got a folder down from a shelf to find the form that needed to be filled in for Health and Safety. As there were no injuries or danger to life, the completion of the form would only require slightly better than perfunctory, but John's details and those of friend would need to be completed.

Andy made them all a brew, adding sugar to their visitor's for shock. "Here," he said as he passed round the mugs.

"Thanks. What do I need to fill in? I need to be getting home." John asked distractedly.

" Could you fill in your contact details? We'll need your friend's as well if you wouldn't mind? She was away pretty quickly. " Steve shares a quick glance with Andy.

"Right, yeah, ok." John swiped a hand across his eyes. He starts to write with a pen that he's pulled out of his inside jacket pocket.

Not getting anything out of the crestfallen man in front of them by the indirect route, Andy decided to go for the direct approach.

"Your friend looked upset. Did she get claustrophobic in the lift?"

" Yeah she did. But it were me. That was all me. My fault. "

"Why was that?" Andy's voice is sympathetic.

John sighed deeply, "Because I'm stupid! I couldn't say it. Twice!"

"Say what?" Andy, with his gentler approach was having more luck getting John to talk.

Reluctantly at first, John began to speak. Mostly talking out loud to himself and almost oblivious that he had company, John told how he and Kayleigh had been car sharing for the past three months, how well they got on. He made them laugh when he told them about Harry, Hagrid and the Smurfette and about the monkey. It was clear how much this fella loved this woman just by the fondness with which he told his tale.

Andy felt a great deal of sympathy, he was in love with a member of the security staff and had been for the past five years but hadn't had the courage to tell her. Steve, however was a bit less sympathetic. He was thoroughly sick of trying to encourage his best mate to confess his feelings once and for all, and now here was another pathetic excuse for a man not having the balls to say those three little words. 

"So what happened today?" Andy coaxed.

By now John was looking heartily ashamed of himself. "She told me she loved me..."

" Let me guess...you didn't say it back! " Steve gives Andy a significant look.

"No, so she got out of me car in the middle of the traffic and got into a taxi. I followed her here and we got stuck in the lift."

Andy looked across at Steve, "About that...we might have left you in there a bit longer than was necessary..." Andy was never one to keep up a lie.

" You did what?" John has pulled himself out of his stupor as he realised what Andy had just revealed.

"You seemed to have got matters in hand when we arrived. We thought you could do with a bit more time to seal the deal." Steve grinned at him.

"And a great big bollocks I made of it! Thanks very much! "

"That's not our fault pal! Question is, what are you going to do about it?" Steve is taking none of this man's bullshit. 

"What do you mean do? I can't do anything. I told her as much as I could. I'm just not ready to say it."

" So you're going to run away? " Andy knows he's skating on thin ice with Steve but somehow wants this man not to make the same mistake he continues to make on a daily basis.

"You saw her. She's the one who ran away. Twice."

" What are you gonna do to make sure she doesn't do it for the third time? " Steve wants to shake the pair of them.

"Do?" John is indescribably tired, all he really wants to do is get home and stay there.

"There must be something you can do if you can't tell her directly. I dunno, write her a letter or something." Steve's patience is now hanging by the thinnest of threads.

Somehow the word "write" managed to penetrate the emotional fog that was threatening to envelop John's brain altogether. He puts on his thinking face and sits mulling over an idea for a few moments. 

"Well I have written this song...half written it. I have a tune with no words..."

"I knew I knew you from somewhere! You're in that band! I saw you at the Working Men's Club a couple of months back! What do you call yourself again?" Steve was dead chuffed with himself he had finally figured it out, why this fella seemed familiar.

" Compendium. Me and me mate, Jim. "

"Right that's it! You need to finish your song for her." 

" I could...have you got some paper? " John began to hum a tune and scribble some words down onto a pad Andy gave him.

Andy and Steve grinned at each other. Before then was a man transformed. Transformed from a man who had lost everything to one who at least had some glimmer of hope. 

After some time, John got up from his chair, drained the rest of his brew, and shook their hands in turn. "Thanks I needed that! I need to get home and finish this."

" You're welcome buddy! " Steve wished that he could similarly put a rocket up Andy's arse to get him to declare himself to Lynn at long last.

"Car Share Buddy... That's it! Yes! Right got to go!"

" Hey come back and tell us how things went?" Andy for one would like to know how the end of this story goes.

"Yes I will."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How did John manage to record his song over one night?

"Hello Jim?" John's phoning on his way home from the shopping centre.

" Alright buddy?" 

" Yeah. I need a favour. But I don't want you to ask any questions or take the piss." 

"Now where's the fun in that?"

" Jim! Please. Are you going to help me or not? " John sounded desperate.

"OK, OK, whatever you need pal." Jim's curiosity is peaked but knows John well enough to know that he'll find out eventually what this is all about but he needs to go along with things for now.

"I've got this tune I need to record. But I need to do it tonight. Will you bring the gear over to mine in about an hour? "

Jim's eyebrows have gone as high as they can possibly go. "Yeah OK. An hour. "

The hour have John a chance to change out of his sweaty work clothes and have a quick shower. He got a couple of pizzas out of the freezer and had got some manuscript paper out and was writing out the music for his song over a brew when Jim arrived. He texted Kayleigh : 

Hope you got home safe. Are you there? 

No reply.

"Here, let me give you a hand with that. " John takes a couple of cases of equipment from Jim and takes them up to his spare bedroom, which apart from a bed, has been turned into a music room. 

Jim brings the rest of the gear upstairs and wordlessly begins to set it up. When he's finished Jim finds his friend at his kitchen table with two cups of tea and his music paper.

"So what's this tune then?" 

John passes over the paper and Jim begins to hum his way through the music that John had written.

"This isn't at all bad! Is this what you've been working on?" Jim knows that John had been working on a new song for a couple of months but this was the first time John had shown any of it to him.

" I want to lay the instrumental tracks down tonight. "

" What about vocals? Have you got the lyrics? "

"I'm still working on them. I can add them on later." Suddenly John has got more tight-lipped than he had been in the car.

Now Jim has got it. John has written this song for someone and he doesn't want to let on the lyrics. Probably that Kayleigh that John is always talking about. Usually Jim wouldn't miss the opportunity to take the piss out of his friend, but tonight there was something different about John. There was a grim determination about him that was unusual. There wasn't his usual joy in the music he always had, especially over this new song that was really very good. It was like John's life depended on getting this done.

Little did Jim know just how much John's life did depend on this. This was the last throw of his dice. He had no other ideas left and he was desperate. Why he couldn't come out with it and tell her that he loved her was buried deep within him. But he was afraid. Afraid of laying everything on the line for her. He needed more time to get used to the idea of someone loving him, and him loving them in return. He had tried to explain that to Kayleigh when they were trapped in the lift but he had ruined it by kissing her. Now she must think that he was like all the other losers, taking from her and not giving her anything in return. It was in fact the opposite for him. It was because he felt so much that he needed to make sure. He felt sure that this would be the last time he would fall in love and he wanted to savour every last moment of it, not rush into it. It certainly had been a rush, well let's face it glaciers moved quicker than him!

For the next couple of hours John and Jim played the instrumental parts of John's song with Jim suggesting little embellishments here and there, but it was still all John's song. With the keyboard and guitar tracks recorded, they broke off to eat.

"We should really do something with this. It's really good, mate." Jim tells John as they are say at the kitchen table eating their pizzas.

"No, no. This is never going to see the light of day. We certainly won't be performing it anywhere. " John looks panicked at the thought.

"Alright buddy, calm down. You'll change your mind, I hope."

" I won't! Leave it Jim eh? Just leave it! "

It took another hour or so to lay the drums and percussion down and it was gone eleven by the time they packed up all the gear and Jim took his leave. John looked at his phone, still no response from Kayleigh. 

U still up? 

I'm sorry

xx 

Looking at his phone at length, willing Kayleigh to reply, John sighed deeply and taking his new brew up to his spare room, he tries to sing the words to his song. He didn't get through the first verse before it is all too much for him and he breaks down in tears. His tears had been brewing all evening but we're held in abeyance all the while Jim had kept him company. Now though all his distress came pouring out of him, all his distress and self-recrimination. It took a fair while for him to pull himself together enough to record his vocals. He did two takes, but it was the first he used. He could hear the emotion in his voice and hoped that Kayleigh would hear it too. The words had come to him fully formed. It had never happened to him before but something had been unlocked in his head just like Kayleigh had unlocked his heart all those weeks ago. 

Over in Bury Kayleigh had regrouped while she was in the bus. Looking back at John as the bus was pulling away, she could see how upset he was. He reminded her of the games of Statues she used to play with Mandy and Kieran when they were kids. Except that it was John's whole life that seemed to be stuck, she'd told him that she needed to move on if he didn't feel the same. But did she have the resolve to carry this through now they had shared kisses? 

By the time she had reached the bus stop at the end of the road to Mandy's, Kayleigh's head was banging. She was in no mood for the kids' noise to which she was usually very tolerant. The first inkling that all was not well was her failure to respond to Steve's cheery greeting. He sucked in his breath and raised his eyebrows after she had hurried past him, with a face like thunder. There was also no sign of John either, not a good sign.  


Unusually for her Kayleigh went straight upstairs when she got in. She would always go into the kitchen to say hello Mandy and the kids, who were invariably having their tea and arguing about something or another. All she wanted to do was get out her uniform and stand under a cool shower for as long as she could manage. She certainly didn't want to talk to anyone, especially Mandy. Mandy would get out of her what had happened in seconds and really she needed to go over it all herself before Mandy added her two pennies worth. She knew what Mandy would say, it would all be John's fault. He would be just another useless loser in a long line of useless losers. Except that he wasn't. She would never love anyone, never feel so connected to anyone like she did him but that made it all the more hard. It was all her fault really, she had read more into their friendship than there was, or more than there was for John anyway. What was it he had said? He was sorry for ruining his best chance of happiness, for upsetting her and never being able to say the right thing to the right person at the right time. Did he think she would have made him happy? Was she the right person? There was no denying the sweetness of their kisses, how genuinely upset he appeared to be. Even though Kayleigh is hugely disappointed about how the day has turned out, she does have the growing realisation that she had pushed John too hard and too fast. 

Eventually getting out of the shower, Kayleigh felt somewhat better, although her head was still pounding. Glancing at her phone she could see that John had sent her a text. She was just thinking how she could reply when there was a tap on the door. 

"Kayleigh love, are you alright?" It was Mandy, as Kayleigh had expected, "Can I come in? I've brought you a brew."

"Yes, thanks Mandy. " Kayleigh out her phone aside to change into a tee shirt and shorts, it was still a warm evening.

"So what's got into you missy?" Mandy was never one to beat around the bush.

" Bad head Mandy, it's banging, seriously. "

Mandy can see that her sister looked pale and eyesy.

"What's brought this on?"

"Oh just a bad day, you know."

"That mean bastard, Dave Thompson again!? You should get your John to have a word!"

" He's not "my John" Mandy " , Kayleigh says looking into her cup forlornly, "he never was."

" Of course he is! A blind man could see that! "

"Just don't Mandy! OK? Please don't! I'm not in the mood."

Mandy looked at her sister taken aback at her outburst. This wasn't her usual reaction to her teasing about John. Something must have happened.

"Alright, sis, I'm sorry. Let me get you something for your head?" 

With that Mandy went and got Kayleigh a cold flannel, a pint of cold water and one of those headache strips. She knew that eventually Kayleigh would spill the beans but also knew better than to push her when she got like this. Must be something bad, worse even than Dave Thompson being a nobhead. Best to leave her to it until she was ready.

There weren't too many rules in the Price household but one of the main ones was to respect a shut door. Having gathered all the things Mandy could think of to make her sister better, well physically at least, Mandy tapped on Kayleigh 's closed door for the second time this time, finding her sister staring at her phone, while playing Fleetwood Mac on her laptop. Perhaps it was something to do with John after all, as it was John who had burned Kayleigh a copy of Rumours, which she had been playing virtually non-stop ever since.

Eventually Kayleigh fell asleep, still clutching her phone. Despite this she had failed to think of what she could reply to John and had also failed to see his subsequent messages.

11.21 are U still up? I'm sorry xx  
1.21 Night xxx  
2.48 Na-night xxxx  
4.45 Oh :(

After recording his vocal, the emotion of the day took over John. He nodded off where he sat, relief flooding him that he had managed to get the recording done. He took himself off to bed, checking his phone yet again for any response from Kayleigh. He woke suddenly at 2.47, he'd been dreaming about kissing Kayleigh only for her to morph into Steve the Maintenance guy. He realised that even though with supreme effort he had managed to record his song, how was Kayleigh going to hear it when she wouldn't even reply to his texts? His first thought was to email it to her, but he quickly dismissed this idea. He had emailed her a link to something or other a few weeks back and it had taken her an age to open it. 

Getting out of bed, thinking he shouldn't have bothered going to bed in the first place, putting on his dressing gown and carpet slippers, John went down to his kitchen. He flicked the switch on the kettle and began searching in his "man drawer", cursing at his not have thrown away all the old batteries and chargers for phones he hadn't got any more. At the back of the drawer was what he was looking for, his old Walkman. He'd bought it with one of his first wage packets and had never been able to throw it away. Finding some rechargeable AA batteries and putting them on to charge, John made himself a brew then went back up to his music room and set about recording his track onto cassette tape. He'd forgotten what a palaver it used to be, but John being John had never got rid of his old equipment. Just as well.

How to get it to her? Give it to her at work? What if she pulled a sickie? What if she opened in front of the likes of Elsie or Big Diane? He shuddered at the thought. He thought about going round to pick her up for work as if nothing had happened. But even he couldn't ignore the seismic shift in their relationship. The only thing for him to do would be to take it over to her before work, drop it off and then go back and get ready for work. He wasn't going to get much sleep anyway. 

With his plan formulated, John did go back to bed for a couple of hours. He set his alarm, but slept fitfully until it went off. Throwing the clothes on he'd not long taken off, John found a padded envelope to put the Walkman and cassette into, took his keys and wallet out of the bowl where he kept them when he was in the house and headed off to Bury, a man on a mission to save everything that was good about his life.


End file.
